Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Can't Wait 'til I'm Old

Then Matt and I can push shopping carts side-by-side down the aisle at Meijer and look at everything on sale...and no one is rude cuz we're old. We can stop and block traffic to look through our stack of 4,329 coupons to see if we have that Del Monte coupon...and people are patient cuz we're old. Then we can debate whether or not that forty-five cents is worth it, or maybe we should hold on to the coupon until the veggies are even MORE on sale...and people have pity on us cuz we're old. We can fart in public without, wait, Matt does that now. We can go through the express check-out 'do-it-yourself' line and hold up traffic for thirty minutes...and people will try to help us, cuz we're old.

But most importantly, we will RULE Winchestertonfieldville on Wednesdays because it's Senior Citizen discount day all over town. We can:
- Drive 46 mph in the left lane, next to the 45 mph driver in the right lane.
- Turn on our blinker and brake at every driveway until we find the right one.
- Walk through parking lots without ever looking for cars.
- Turn a 3-shopping bag trip to the store into an hour long demolition derby.
- Make the younger generation excited about growing older ... so they can exact their own revenge someday!! Ha, ha, ha!


Camille said...

And when the young woman in front of you with a 2 year old takes TOO LONG (like 3 minutes) to pay for her items at the pharmacy, you can throw your prescription at the check out girl and grumble "I'm not waiting any longer." Because apparently when you are old and retired you just have too much to do to be bothered with waiting your turn in line.

Anonymous said...

This was awesome.

Jamie M