Thursday, November 23, 2006

Almost ready

Okay, it's almost ready! I finally picked a blogspot name, but I don't have anything ready to publish yet. However, you can check in a week or two. The new site, set up to start (gulp) letting people read/critique my writing is:

I'll see you soon :)

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Facing the expectation

Wow. Here I am again, sitting at the computer, easily typing yet another blog for my site. There may be a dozen people who read this, but there may not be any. Regardless, it really is easy for me to write about nothing. I have the been blessed with the gift of bull#@&%. When it doesn't matter, when nothing is at stake I can put together as many useless words as necessary to fill a few pages.

But what if it counted? What if it meant something?

For as long as I can remember I've been writing stories. I have pages and pages of unfinished stories, started as early as the fifth grade. I wrote fantasy, romance, adventure. I even expanded some of my favorite stories, adding a ninth grade flair to Star Wars and The Three Musketeers. However, no matter what I wrote it was only for my eyes only. I've been wondering recently - supposed I let someone else read my ideas.

I don't mind keeping a blog. There's nothing I publish here that I wouldn't tell any of you to your face, but that's just my being honest in light of the current circumstances. I've been honest with my opinions, but am I secure enough to be honest with my desires? This is how my mind processes things: to tell you what I think about you/your situation requires as much courage as going to a beach in a swimsuit. To tell you what my heart and mind have created, to put it out there for your critique and possible rejection...well that's just a nude beach.

And so I wonder why I care so much. If I can be honest in one area, why not all areas? Lots of thought, lots of prayer, and I have my revelation.

I don't care about your opinion, but I'm not about to waste my time on a fruitless venture. If I'm going to let the pen loose and get the keyboard clicking then there had better be a goal, a reason for my writing. I might as well try to publish something. I used to be afraid to fail. That kept me in my room most of my life. Fear is crippling, but I'm past that. What's holding me back? Expectation. It's very liberating to realize that, just past the fear of failure lies the bog of the expectation for failure. That is truly, honestly, an icky, nasty, stinky place. So how do I get out?

I let you read it. Scary thought, but I'd rather move through the fear and allow myself to receive criticism than to stop growing and spend my life wondering.

So, I'll be publishing a new blog soon. No name yet, but I'll let you know soon.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

He didn't forget me!!!

Okay, so Matt and I are in Toronto. He's been healed of cancer, we're soaking in the glory, life is good. I feel the urge to look at my engagement ring. Though I haven't cleaned it, it is sparkling. We sit in the same spot each day. Every time I look at my ring, it looks different. First it had a pink hue, then yellow. Then John Arnott explains that, just as some people get gold fillings while at TACF, some women have their costume jewelry become real gems.


So, I didn't really go public with this, but Matt didn't buy me a diamond. He bought me Moissanite (which I HIGHLY is beautiful!!!). It is EXACTLY the ring I've always wanted and we could afford it. Well, we decided to go to a jeweler just to see if the ring is STILL Moissanite. The only way to tell is a light refraction test, which is done with a digital do-hicky. There is no real room for human error here.

Well, I happened to be in the mall today and decided to have it checked out. Now please read carefully: Matt bought a .86 karat Moissanite ring. The ladies at the store told me that, not only is my ring a DIAMOND...they believe it's a FULL KARAT!!! Oh my, oh my, oh my!!!

This is just about the most wonderful thing. It wasn't anything I asked for, expected or even ever considered, but God never forgot about me. With everything that we went through with Matt, God remembered me :) I can't wait to show y'all my new ring!!! (Honey, I love you!!!)

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


Note to everyone: I am NOT allowed to read fiction or get cable...EVER!!! Please, I beg you. In the future I am only allowed non-fiction and televised sporting events - I MEAN IT!! Would you like to know why? Okay, here is the reason why - I GET TOO INVOLVED!!! Here are some examples:

1) I finally decided to read the sixth Harry Potter book. It's a long one. One night Matt & I went to bed and I decided to read just one more chapter (yeah, right). He glanced at the clock at 1:00 am and 2:00 am. When he rolled over at 3:00 am I told him not to look and assured him that it was late and it wouldn't happen again [mostly because I finished the book the next day].
2) 2002, Lakeland, Florida. I decided to read the Lord of the Rings for the first time ever. I started just after my birthday in February and went to Florida the first weekend in March. I stayed up so late each night reading that when I finally got to the end of the series it was about 2:30 am in a hotel room in Lakeland; I was so sleep deprived that it took me an hour to read the last few chapters because I was crying so hard that I couldn't focus on the pages.
3) And the kicker: I came to visit my sister and her new baby in Vegas. There was nothing on TV so we tossed the Gilmore Girls into the DVD player (she has seasons 1-5). Let me repeat - I GET TOO INVOLVED! I watched my first episode sometime on Oct. 25th. Today is Nov. 1st and in the past week I watched ONE HUNDRED AND TEN episodes of the Gilmore Girls! I'd never seen it before...I got sucked in...I had to see what happened...I AVERAGED THREE HOURS OF SLEEP A NIGHT SO I COULD WATCH FIVE SEASONS IN EIGHT DAYS!!! That's 4950 minutes of Gilmore Girls...82.5 hours!!! Oy vay!

This is why I can't do fiction or television. I beg you, please, DON'T LET ME NEAR EITHER OF THESE...I NEED THE REST! I am currently incapable of removing myself from the situation so I need to avoid it all together. It's too late for me in regards to Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and the Gilmore Girls as I will be eternally hooked, but please, I BEG you: if you have read a great new book or are involved in a hot new series, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF! I need to sleep. I need the rest. Besides, with friends like Luke, Han, Aragorn, Arwyn, Sookie, Rory and Michele my social calendar is already booked.

Thank you for not being an enabler.