I truly enjoy country music, I really do. I even own a cowboy hat (I still need boots though). But as I've been listening to it the past few months I've realized that summer and weddings are to country music what steamy sex is to hip-hop: the guarantee to airtime.
For example, in my humble, under-expressed opinion, Faith Hill is not only no longer a country singer (that's a debate for another time), but she is also baby-stepping her way through every poor use of grammar in existence (someone buy her Strunk and White - PLEASE!). Back to my point. Despite the fact that music fans don't know how to classify her work, she still pumps out a hit with a song about summer time...conveniently released in time for those sun bathing days.
It doesn't matter that many former fans no longer consider her a country artist. It doesn't matter that her songs contain such misspoken phrases as "ridin' my kids around piggy back" (hello - the placement of the words here indicates YOU are riding the kids!). And don't forget the incomplete descriptions, like "so hot outside all I can wear is these cutoff overalls and these sandals on my feet" (um, has anyone else noticed that she is, therefore, walking around topless??). Those fabulous bits of lyricism don't matter when a song about sunshine and summertime hits the airways. Instant hit. Full body shudder.
And then we've got the wedding songs. Sometimes I wonder if musicians feel like they aren't breaking into the scene fast enough, or maybe they need a little more attention. Solution? Release a song about little girls, daddies, and weddings anywhere from January to March. The result? Plenty of requests for lil' country brides everywhere.
I get it already. Weddings are hard for dads who have little princesses. Fine. Point made. What I want to know are where are the songs for the dads with three daughters who climbed trees, played with G.I. Joes, dominated the softball field, beat each other up (yes - girls fight too), etc. Where's the song about the dad who's counting down the day until #3 cuts the chord and finally moves out?
I just don't get it. Maybe it's because I wasn't the weepy, sappy, mushy (any other -y words??) gal when I got engaged. Maybe it's because I was living on my own for four years before it happened. Whatever the reason, those heart-string tugging, tear inducing ballads just don't get to me.
Wait, I amend that. They do effect me. They produce the same response as the summer songs. In fact, they're the only things in the world that stir up this feeling: they actually make me look FORWARD to the fall! Because I know then that it'll be winter. Then I'll have a few months free of listening to songs that play based on their topics, not their quality.
In the meantime, I'm gonna work on that song about kicking the kids out of the house. I think it's time. Are you old enough to vote? To drink? To rent a car without your parents? THEN GET OUT OF YOUR PARENT'S HOUSE - THEY'LL APPRECIATE IT! (Sorry - came out of no where. I think I have a new blog topic!)
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