Wednesday, May 25, 2005

My name is Captain Craziness and I will be your pilot...

Have you ever felt as if your life was so out of control that they only way to regain ANY sense of sanity was to relinquish every bit of the reign and enjoy the ride? Yeah, me neither. GIMME THOSE REIGNS BACK!

I have no control over my life. No one can control their circumstances, but shouldn't you have some control of your life? Nope, I don't think so. Not here anyway. Not in my little village of "Why?"-ville. Why is this happening now? Why didn't this happen earlier? Why are you JUST bringing this up?? Whew. Am I rambling yet?

I do pretty well at making my own mistakes, digging my own holes. I can get myself into trouble without the assitance of anyone (thank you). But I can't see to get the, "Come on! Screw with my head!" tattoo off of my forehead, and I can't afford to have it removed (yet another aspect of non-control).

I'm sure this is nothing more than great googely-moogely (just in case Dave is reading) to most of you. I actually don't even care to explain it. This entry is really for the sake of Karin, and no one else. I don't care if you don't get it; I don't care if you're offended that I don't care. I'm trying to care, and I do, but apparently about the wrong things right now.

For my sanity, please, don't talk to me unless you mean it. Don't take a message if you aren't going to give it. Don't say you will if you won't. Don't blame me for your mistakes. Don't blame anyone else for your mistakes. Don't get pissed at the world when you realize that you, or your loved one, isn't perfect.

The greatest advice that I ever received came from my dad: "You're too thin skinned. Let it roll off your back." This was usually said while the tears were streaming, the shoulders heaving. It hurt to hear it and I wanted nothing more than to punch him in the nose. But he was right.

I've vented now...and I'm done. I can't change the people around me. I may never have full control of my life, and I'm not gonna pretend that I'll ever have even the slightest bit of control over others, but I'm going to enjoy it. I'm going to learn as much as I can from every person, situation and encounter. And I'm going to enjoy this ride that Capt. Craziness has plotted out for me...Bon Voyage!

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