Hello potential vacation-taker! Congratulations on your decision to get away from the everyday work schedule and enjoy some much needed time off. Before you are allowed to venture to the destination of your dreams we will need you to fill out the following application to find out if you will qualify as a vacationer. Please answer all questions honestly:
1) You arrive at the hotel to find out your room is not yet ready. Do you...
a. Ask about the regular check-in time and wait patiently, as you realize you are 3 hours early.
b. Ask if there is anything that can be done to get you into a room earlier and gratefully accept the clerk's offer to put you in the same type of room, only in a different part of the facility.
c. Belittle the staff, insult the management, demand to speak to every manager who has ever worked at the front desk until you find someone who is so scared of you that you finally receive an upgrade at no additional cost...but still have to wait 3 hours until check-in.
2) You've arrived at the golf mecca of the midwest, only to find walk into wildest monsoon of the season. Do you...
a. Accept the fact that God is God and He will do as He pleases: you make the best of the local towns and enjoy the adventurous drive. After all, as a golfer, this is a risk you take.
b. Talk to as many staff as you can find until you come up with a plan: you may have to spend the first day at the pool or using the in-room movies, but you can still fit in two rounds before the end of the trip!
c. Piss and moan about the weather, demand to be let on the courses when no one else is around, proclaim the idiocy of the golf professional for letting "a little sprinkle" ruin your weekend, ask for all of your money back, free food and a better room...and still only get your rainchecks.
3) It's dinner time. You show up at the restaurant at 7:30 pm with your closest 15 friends to discover you can't be seated until 9:00 pm. Do you...
a. Agree to wait in the lounge and ask for some munchies.
b. Wish you had made a reservation, and decide to find another restaurant.
c. Insult the hostess and demand to speak with a manager, insult the restaurant manager and demand to speak with the chef, insult the chef and demand to speak with the hotel manager. You finally get immediate seating...at another restaurant in the hotel.
4) You are checking out and realize there are additional charges on your room. Do you...
a. Ask what the charges are first and react later.
b. Angrily demand to know what the charges are, and then apologize when you realize they are your roommates.
c. Refuse to pay for anything, demand free lodging for the inconvenience, insist that it must have been the staff the snuck into your room to watch 4 different porn movies and yell for the manager...who compensates you by removing three of the four movie charges.
If you answered mostly A:
Congratulations! You are every hotel, restaurant, store manager, employee, housekeeper's dream! Take your vacation and make the most of it all!
If you answered mostly B:
You're on your way! Just remember, snafu's happen - try to catch more flies with honey than with vinegar and you should have a great time!
If you answere mostly C:
Unfortunately you are neither mature enough, graceful enough, smart enough, nor intelligent enough to take a vacation. We suggest you return to the Kindergarten Sunday School class for a few weeks. Once you have memorized the Golden Rule we will consider letting you retake the test.
Thank you for your time and have a GREAT vacation!