Wow. In fourteens I'm going to be a wife. That hasn't really sunk in yet. In fact, I really, to be honest, have no idea what its going to mean for me. For the past two weeks people have asked if I'm nervous, excited, worried, scarred. No. Ask me again in two months, please.
I mean, honestly, I don't know what kind of demands will be made on my life once I become Mrs. Beery. I can't predict every change, twist, corner or bump. I could play the "what if" game for hours, but why? Why try to prepare myself for every possible situation, knowing full well that more than half of them will never occur. And if they do occur, it could be so far in the future that I my response would change anyway!
What is it going to mean to be a wife? I don't know yet. I appreciate all of the words of encouragement and wisdom - they will all be very helpful. However, the cut-n-dry fact of the matter is this: no one else is me, and no one else is Matt, so how can anyone predict how we'll act in a situation? Just because Sally and Herb were affected in this way by situation A does not mean that Matt & I will be as well. Every situation will be different. The advice is welcome and received, but may not pertain in the end.
This has really been challenging me. How am I going to know what to do? What if I mess up? What if...? Shouldn't I be nervous?!?
No. I shouldn't, not really. My faith is in God. My heart is in His hands. My life is His. If I try to be the perfect wife I will fail, so I've decided not to try. Instead, I'm going to do as God has commanded, as He desires for me to do. I'm going to love Him with all of my heart, soul and mind, and then I'm going to love Matt as I love myself. Those are the greatest commandments. If I can succeed at those, I have no fear for the rest of my life. Even last night, in the midst of a minor break down, God whispered softly, "Do you trust Me? Aren't I the source of your joy? Come talk to Me, spend some time with Me, and it'll be okay."
I'm not trying to over simplfy anything here. I'm going to do the best that I can do, for myself and for Matt AND for our marriage: I'm going to pursue God passionately. I believe His word is truth, and His word says to keep focused on Him. Don't make molehills into mountains - just look at Him and let Him worry about those molehills. When I'm not worrying about those I can focus on God. In so doing I can see that He has chosen to bring Matt into my life to be a compliment and a completion. When I focus on God, He brings Matt into the picture and my heart feels complete: God has woven the chord of three strands. All I had to do was focus on Him and the third piece came in. What else do I have to worry about?
Only fourteen days...
