More SHM (Slap-Happy Matty)

Matt: I should work there (pointing at the dental lab two buildings away from our house).

Karin: Why?

Matt: So I could walk to work.

Karin: You have experience in a dental lab?

Matt: No, but I have a Dremel.

Fabulous Ideas from OP, KS

If you don't receive my annual Christmas letter, then you can't participate (sorry). But just so you don't feel left out, here's the deal:

This year I sent out a Mad-Lib. That's write - pick your own adverbs and nouns, and see what kind of story you create.

A friend of mine asked if I was collecting answers and picking a winner. Nope - too time consuming. But...

...now that I've thought about it, why not? Sitting around reading silly stories and deciding which one makes me have to pee the hardest? Game on!!!

So if you got the Blessed Beery Mad-Lib, email me your story. I'll post a winner sometime next month (and you make even make it on to my writing blog - dual coverage!!)

Thanks for participating - have fun!

Slap-Happy Matty

Karin: Now there are six couple pregnant. What happens if we drink the water?

Matt: There'll be a little one running around.

Karin: Well, then my parents will stick around for Thanksgiving next year. (contemplative pause) How do you feel about that?

Matt: That's fine. I like your parents.

Creating Our Own Problems

I was a bit offended this week when some of my non-Christian friends started comparing Christmas to Solstice. I am passionate about my God, and I don't ever want anyone to assume that I am celebrating this season for any reason other than Him, but they're right. It's not non-Christians who have taken Jesus out of Christmas - it's the Christians.

Over the years I've been learning more and more about what the Bible says about things and what tradition says about them. I'm still studying, still learning, but December 25th was chosen to celebrate Jesus' birth BECAUSE it coincides with pagan holy days. The same is true about about Easter. These dates have nothing to do with Jesus and His life - my understanding is that they were selected to detract from the pagan rituals.

Now, you can say that this doesn't matter, but look at what these holidays have become. How many people, even non-Christians, are sick of the commercialism? Do parents take their kids to church on these days for photos at the nativity and cross, or to the mall to sit on the laps of two make-believe characters? Does going to church on these two days inspire you to attend more regularly, or does it make you feel satisfied that you made it twice that year?

Like I said, I'm still learning, so I'm still deciding what to do with all of this information. I do know that I'll tell my children the truth about Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny - that they have nothing to do with God or the celebration of Jesus' love and sacrifice. But am I ready and willing to make the jump to celebrate the REAL days of birth and resurrection? Am I going to set myself apart and start following scripture, despite what the world does?

I honestly don't know.

What I do know, however, is that I want to learn more. I want to make sure my motives are pure, that my heart is focused on God. I don't want to follow blindly, just doing what I've always done because there ARE things that Christians do during the holidays that have no real Biblical significance. It was just a desire to fit in with the world, but to try to sanctify it by calling it "Christian".

So I don't have any answers right now, but I'm looking. In the meantime, please know this - all of my lights, my gifts, and my decorations are about one thing - God. He loves us, He always has. While people fail daily at demonstrating that to each other, He has never failed us. He sent Jesus as proof of that love and devotion to save us. THAT is why I celebrate Christmas.

I pray that each one of you will know God's love, that He will touch your hearts and eyes so that you can see Him today.

Watching it Spin Out of Control?

There was a HUGE article in the paper today about Tiger Woods - it literally took up the whole page. I didn't read it. I couldn't get past the big, bold attention grabbing (paraphrased) "Tiger Woods is watching his life unravel in front of him".

No, he isn't.

Tiger Woods is watching his mistakes catch up with him. He is suffering the consequences of his actions. The fallout from this is his fault.

This upsets me because that sentence, highlighted and set apart to grab my attention, categorizes Woods' drama with someone like Jennifer Hudson. Her family was brutally murdered. She didn't do anything wrong, but she suffered horribly. Woods and his family are suffering horribly because of his selfish decisions. Hudson watched her life unravel...Woods watches as truth catches up with him.

Don't get me wrong - I hope he and his wife can put their lives back together. I hope they can cling to love and forgiveness and that there can be reconciliation. But don't treat this like it's something that is happening TO Woods...this is happening BECAUSE of him. There's a big difference.

Don't Be Lazy - Do Your Research

I'm really sick of hearing about global warming and "going green". And I'm really sick of people wanting to regulate what I can and can't do - BECAUSE THEY ARE HYPOCRITES!

I had to write an article on CFLs (Compact Fluorescent Light bulbs) a while ago. If you go to the EPA site you will hear about how much money they can save you! If used properly you can save up to $15/month! But here's the catch...

- They really shouldn't be used in bathrooms (the steam gets to them...shortens the life span)

- You can't but them in enclosed light fixtures...shortens the lift span (check your house - I'll bet your ceiling fans, bathroom and external fixtures are all enclosed...you'll have to replace those)

Okay, so maybe you won't have to replace the fixture. If you don't, however, you'll be changing your CFL every year, instead of every 5-10 years (like they promise).

Let's take my house as an example: 12 enclosed light fixtures with incandescent bulbs ($0.84 each) would cost $10.08 per year for light bulbs. If I don't change those fixtures, then the new 'more efficient' CFL's ($4-14 each) will cost me at least $48 per year.

And what about the environmental impact?

According to the EPA, the maximum contamination level (MCL) of mercury a human can have in water is 0.002 mg/L. SOME CFLs have 1 mg of mercury...most have 3-5 mg. While that may not seem like a lot, lets say I replace 12 light bulbs a year - that's 36-60 mg of mercury in the local landfill. And that's just one house.

In 2000 the population of Elk Rapids was 2700. Let's play it safe: there are 2,000 people here. They only have five enclosed light fixtures in their homes - they have to replace those every year. That's 10,000 light bulbs, and and anywhere from 10,000 - 50,000 mg of mercury going into our landfills.

Okay, let's go a step further and say that EVERYONE in Elk Rapids disposes of the light bulbs properly (which isn't easy to do - the easiest way is to save them up and mail them to a disposal company, because most landfills won't accept them). So you get this box, you fill it with CFLs so you aren't dropping mercury in your own backyard.

So where does it go? Is it miraculously converted into something safe and useful? Nope...it's shipped overseas. They just dump the poison in someone else's yard.

Why does it make these people hypocrites?

Because as environmentalists talk about "green" standards for third world countries (because we need to save them!) they are dumping our toxic waste there at the same time. I can't even tell you how disturbed I was to read this.

Do your research (and that means opening your minds past what the government says and past what Fox News says). Start looking into these things - find out what's really happening. Because you aren't going to save yourself that much money, and while you may delay your own mercury poisoning for a while, you ARE poisoning someone else.

The Scariest Driver

I know we've all experienced some pretty crazy drivers. I had a couple of friends in high school who tried to reach 100 mph on US 31 (yikes!). One of those guys also tried to take a corner at 40 mph...on a dirt road. Surprisingly, he's still alive today. There are so many different types of drivers that I thought I'd list my "favorite" bad drivers.

- The Big Bertha...wrong driver. Sorry! Really, here I go:

- The Multi-tasker: she eats, smokes, talks on the phone, and drives.

- The Big Truck: he tailgates during ANY weather because he has a supercharged engine and four wheel drive.

- The Blue Hair: they can barely see over the dashboard, they're in no hurry, and they drive in the passing lane.

- The Teenager: do I really need to elaborate?

Today I got stuck behind the scariest driver I've met in a while: The Wacko.

It was overcast...she was wearing sunglasses. There was no rain, snow, or sleet...her windshield wipers were going at warp speed. The light was green...she sat there. I honked THREE times and she never moved. As soon as the light turned red she looked at me in the rear view mirror before going forward. Thankfully her brain returned to her body in time to avoid driving into on coming traffic.

I'll take one of those other drivers any day...at least I know what motivates them. I have no idea what was wrong with this lady or why she was driving like that, but I breathed a sigh of relief when she pulled into a parking lot.

Sure, I'm all about stopping drunk driving. K.A.D.D.! (Karin Against Driving Drunk) But I'm also a founding member of K.A.R.I.N. - Karin Against Raving Idiots Nearly-killing-people-because-they're-too-zoned-to-drive

Three years ain't what they used to be...

I remember when I was 21...then 22, 23, 24...it wasn't that big of a deal. I graduated college, moved, got a job, moved...then moved a couple of more times. It was no big deal. Moving in and out of my dorm when I was 21 was no better or worse then moving into a new house when I was 24.

Fast forward a few years...

In 2006 my newly-married self moved again. No problems. But a couple of days later my hip hurt, so I went to visit a chiropractor. I brushed it off. No biggie.

Three and half years later, at the ripe-ol'-age of 31, I am moving again (the last time for at least three years - we bought a house!). It's been a long, slow process (I won't go into the details), but instead of taking a weekend to move, we've had to haul a few boxes here and there. It should be easier, because there's not one big "do-it-all" day, right?

Heck to the no.

I'm tired. I ache. My legs are sore. My back is sore. I feel so OLD! Moving never felt like this before. I packed, I moved - done. Oh, hoh, hoh! Not this time. I'm so tired of packing and moving and re-packing and moving that I'm considering letting the landlords keep everything that's left in the house. Then I can just order new stuff and some nice man will ship it right to my door. Ahhhh :)

Seriously though, I'd love to tell you more, but I can barely keep my eyes open. I mean, it's already 7:10. After the Wheel I might stay up to catch Alex, but then I'm off to bed!

My Two Cents - Oprah

I think she's going to run for president. What do you think?

Too Many Options

Ah...I finally have internet at home. It was almost two weeks without it, and it sucked. In my new little hometown NO ONE has free wireless internet access. That sent me into TC (which was fine, because I picked up a load of stuff from the old house while I was there). But while I sat in coffee houses and restaurants I didn't have a lot of time, so I didn't blog (or read blogs). It was all business. Yuck.

But just because my fingers stuck to the plan didn't mean my brain did. Everyday I would read something or talk with someone and start composing a post about it (oh, Michael Moore, not everyone was fooled by your subtle "Democrats are right, Republicans are wrong" rant...I just haven't had the time to reply). I considered jotting down ideas on paper, but I kept throwing them away.

Now that I've reconnected, I have to decide - compose those thoughts, or move on.

Psh. Move on.

EVERY day I find new things that inspire me. Why should I look back when I know Matt's going to say or doing something tonight that will cripple me with laughter and spawn a new post? Let's be honest - if you annoyed me last week, you'll probably annoy me tomorrow. I'll about it then.

Perhaps in the future you'll hear the story of my desk. My beautiful, old metal teacher desk that weighs 4,385 lbs. (I know...I had to lift it). I bought it months ago and have been waiting for the day when I had an office for it. Now I have an office...and it won't fit through the door. Keep your eyes peeled for THAT story.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Matt didn't disappoint! As we were leaving a restaurant tonight a lady came out after us and got Matt's attention. He went to see her, then came back to the car and said:

"You forgot your sherdoodle"...then he handed me my pashmina :)

You know you're tired when...

...you're laying in bed with your spouse and have this conversation.

Karin: "Do you want to kiss me good night?"

Matt: "Yes."

Pause

Karin: "I'm too tired to roll toward you."

Matt: "Me, too."

Karin: "Well, thanks for wanting to."

Matt: "You're welcome."

Overheard in Las Vegas

Ella: Is Mitch at work?

Karin: No, but Daddy is at work.

Ella: Daddy is Mitch...right Cam?

=========================================

While at the nature preserve watching a chipmunk run around - Ella chased the chipmunk and called it Pip (the chipmunk from "Enchanted"). The chipmunk finally stopped. This is what I heard.

Pip. Pip, are you scared? It's okay, Pip. It's okay.

Look at me, Pip. It's Ella. It's okay, Pip.

Disney isn't racist...Disney is fatist

Next month Disney will release its latest cartoon musical, "The Princess and the Frog". People have been making a big deal about the princess, Tiana, because she's black. Hey, that's cool. Another beautiful princess to add to Disney's cast list.

This weekend I read an interview with Anika Noni Rose, the voice of Tiana. I don't think Ms. Rose has ever watched a Disney cartoon. Why? Because she praises Disney for "finally" getting away from the notion that beauty means blond hair and blue eyes.

Finally? Really? Let's take an inventory:

1937 - Snow White - black hair, brown eyes
1950 - Cinderella - blond hair, blue eyes
1959 - Sleeping Beauty - blond hair, violet eyes
1989 - The Little Mermaid - red hair, blue eyes
1991 - Beauty and the Beast - brown hair, brown eyes
1992 - Aladdin (Jasmine) - black hair, brown eyes
1995 - Pocahontas - black hair, brown eyes
1996 - Hunchback of Notre Dame (Esmerelda)- black hair, blue eyes
1997 - Hercules (Megara) - brown hair, brown eyes
1998 - Mulan - black hair, brown eyes

Hmmm...it looks to me that, if anything, Disney is promoting the beauty of the dark haired/dark eyed woman.

Maybe the excitement is over the collapse of the Disney Aryan Nation?

But wait - there's a gypsy, Native American, Chinese, Moroccan, Irish-Mermaid...there's actually only one blond haired, blue eyed gal in the bunch. It's not like Disney has snubbed non-white nationalities. The first non-white princess appeared 17 years ago. Tiana is joining a long list of diverse princesses.

You who to know what I DON'T see on that list - a fat girl.

If there is any group of women who should be up in arms with Disney, it's the overweight population. We chubby-cheekers get to be the evil octopus, the old tea pot, or the ugly step-sisters (who still weren't the big).

Where's the fat princess???

If anything, I commend Disney for their continuing efforts to include all nationalities in their list of beautiful princesses. But would it kill them to include the "average" sized girl?

Lessons from Las Vegas

Well, I've been relaxing in sunny Las Vegas for a week now. It's been fun. My sisters both have new homes, my hubby was here for a few days, and Miles and Ella are too cute for words!

I always enjoy visiting. It can be tough at times. My sisters and I aren't those sisters who buy houses together, have the same friends, and spend all of our free time together. Don't get me wrong - we like each other. But we are just as likely to hang-up on you as we are to send you a card. That's just the way we roll.

Because of our willingness to disagree (often loudly), it can made for some uncomfortable times during visits. Add to that a 3 yr. old and 11 mo. old who are tired because the visitor has messed up their schedules, and the tension can build.

Miles, for instance, didn't sleep for two days. Then he slept (but not enough) and decided to stop drinking or eating. He's at the doctor's office now.

Then there's Ella. I'm supposed to share a room with her, but I go to sleep after she does and tend to wake up before she does. She's one of those kids who does NOT want to miss out on the action, so she fights the naps and ends up being tired and irritable.

As you can imagine, this is doing wonders for all of the adults in the house.

Having been here for over a week, I've learned some valuable things. I thought I might share.

- Dresses make you pretty; pants are ugly
- It's never too cold for a sundress
- If it's too cold for a sundress, put the sundress on over your long sleeved dress
- No one is as exciting as Daddy
- When all else fails, bounce
- There is no need to spend hundreds of dollars on toys - the couch will do
- When you don't want to do something, just say "I don't know how"
- Blame the cats

As you can see, very little of this has anything to do with me. It doesn't help my sisters and me with our relationships. It won't help us rest. It contains no nutritional value. But they are lessons learned, and I try to learn something new everyday.

Now I'm going to work on my next lesson - outlasting a 3 year-old in a battle of the wills. I think I'm game.

The Happy Reunion

This event was 15 months in the making...













Okay, so it didn't exactly go as planned, but in no time at all Ella was chasing Uncle Matt and telling him how cute he is :)

Mixed Signals

No smoking signs in the airplane bathroom...right above the ash tray.

Figures...

...I leave for Vegas tomorrow and I can't find my new video recorder anywhere. Dang it.

This might be it...

Matt and I haven't made a big deal about our latest house-offer because, well...it's the 3rd offer we've made on a house this year. And with everything that happened with the last house we've approached this current opportunity without getting our hopes up.

Starting yesterday, however, we're getting our hopes up. The house didn't quite pass inspection, but that's okay. The list of minor repairs is so short that our handy-man took care of it all yesterday! We've been told that the appraiser will go back, okay the repairs, and then we'll be on the path to a closing date.

We're pretty excited. This house is 80 years newer than the last one, the resale value of the property is fan-TAS-tic (great location), and the accepted offer is a whopping 40% of the originally listed price.

In a perfect world we would probably be closing before the end of the month (yipee!), but that won't happen. Don't be sad! The only reason it won't happen is because I'll be out of the state from Oct. 21-Nov. 4 (no Ella, I haven't found your purple marker). But as asoon as I get back...we could be home owners :)

The original plan was to do a bunch of upgrades to the house before we move it, but that's not going to happen. As our rental house has developed mold, we've had to move out. Since we're currently living with our frined Shaina (three adults in a 900 sq. ft. apartment), we want to give her her space back as soon as possible.

So...in a perfect world, we'll close on the house Nov. 5th or 6th, handy-dude will replace some flooring the next week, and we'll be moving by the 2nd weekend in November!

Ah. It could happen, folks. We're hoping it does :) You'll know if it doesn't...you'll hear my sobbing from where ever you are ;)

Here's praying for God's will in this - stay tuned!

If it's good enough for me...

Got this in an email...thought I'd share. Seems to me if this is such a good idea, Congress would be the first ones to sign up!
------------------------------------------------------------------

On Tuesday (not sure which Tuesday), the Senate health committee voted 12-11 in favor of a two-page amendment, courtesy of Tom Coburn, which would require all Members of Congress and their staff members to enroll in any new government-run health plan.

Congressman John Fleming has proposed an amendment that would require Congressmen and Senators to take the same health care plan that they would force on us. (Under proposed legislation they are exempt.)

Congressman Fleming is encouraging people to go to his Website and sign his petition. The process is very simple. I have done just that here .

Senator Coburn and Congressman Fleming are both physicians.
Regardless of your political beliefs, it sure seems reasonable that Congress should have exactly the same medical coverage that they impose on the rest of us.
Please urge as many people as you can to do the same!

Fun find in a middle school language arts class

Most of the kids stared at it and shrugged. If you know me, you'll get this - I laughed one of my loud, barky laughs, then had to control myself. This was her poster:

I will not obsess.
I will not obsess.
I will not obsess.
I will not obsess.
I will not obsess.
I will not obsess.
I will not obsess.
I will not obsess.